just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
