He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
