you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
