Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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