just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
