My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
