i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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