drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
