when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
