what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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