i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
