It's Friday. Sex?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
