I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it's like iHOP with fire
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
