my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
