True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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