My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
