I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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