very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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