ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and she was petting her beer can
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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