His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
