I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
