i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
