Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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