It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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