it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
