I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
