I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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