I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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