I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
