I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
