Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize