We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
