why didn't you poke me back
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
