he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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