enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
