Sponge bath it is.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
