there's paper in my vomit.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
