if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
