were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
