you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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