True but thats because hes a fetus.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
