Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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