I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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