I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
