yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
