I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
