the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize