Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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