Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
