Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
