take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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