Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
