Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize