Pappa wants mamma naked
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
