Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
