thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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