I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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