This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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