i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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