I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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