He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
