after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
