When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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