I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
