We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
