I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
