They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
