I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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