Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
