Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
...so i touched it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
